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No women should be beaten by the man that she loves
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During a heated quarrel, he slapped me for the first time.
Little did I know at that time that it would be the first of many physical beatings throughout our 18 years of marriage.
The physical abuse did not hurt as much as the emotional distress
Despite the abuse, I still loved him and wanted him to change.
He always gave me false hopes that he would change.
he would threaten me that if I were to leave him, he would make my life hell.
No one should raise a hand to anyone, why should anyone be beaten?
No woman should be beaten by the man that she loves.
A hopeful beginning
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My mind then was cluttered with uncertainties.
Society would take me as a failure
I forgave myself in the process, let go of the bitter chapter, and had a more optimistic view moving forward.
Something that I believe is completely wrong is happening to me
He banged my head against the wall. More than the physical pain … I was more shocked than anything else. I was appalled. It just continued … like a cycle.
I didn’t tell anyone until nearly the 8th year. I continually pursued forgiveness and wanted to give it a try. There was never a thought of separation.
However, whenever we tried talking about it, it would always come to a conclusion that it was my fault and I deserved it. Initially, I did think it was my fault, but later on I understood that I am facing a condition more than a person itself.
We tried going for family counseling but it did not work. Eventually, what made me leave was my daughter. She was 4 and a half years old at that time and she was collateral damage throughout this whole journey. I knew that if I stayed on, she would grow up thinking that violence can be tolerated.
We deserve better than just societal judgment
I lived a life with too much pressure.
However, my pain has become my tool to let others, especially women, know that I can survive and live better and they too, deserve that.
Reflecting back, I won’t forget how hard and tough it was
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I felt tired, scared, and worried about what will happen next and what are the next action plans.
The most difficult part about moving on is during the healing process, we tend to have a flashback and bad memories.
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Sorry is not enough
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Every time he got abusive, he would apologize after and promise me that he would change, and I would forgive him.
My self-confidence and self-esteem diminished so much that I didn’t trust myself anymore.
I felt quite alone and helpless.
He headbutt me, insulted me, spat on me… and then he took out a swiss pocket knife and held it to my neck.
Nobody has the right to hurt another human being.